What’s Your Management Style?

My husband returned from a business trip on Friday. Apparently the only thing on the plane worth reading was a Newsweek article about how more and more women are having affairs. The profile is that they are mid-thirties, been married around eight years and have kids. So of course I got the quiz on Juan the Pool Boy when he got home. Forget that we don’t have a pool or even a koi pond in the backyard. I hardly think I can talk Juan into coming in to clean my inflatable kiddie pool. And once he’s there, I doubt he’d stay; the sight of me in my skirtini is not what I’d consider stunning or erotic.

But the whole conversation got me thinking. All I need is for Matt Damon to realize what he’s missing by globe-trotting and making movies instead of living in my smallish walk-in closet as my boy toy. I mean really. What DOESN’T a 33-year-old housewife who is happily married with two kids have to offer? I’m smart and have a dry wit. He wants me, he just doesn’t know it yet. Let’s look at the facts:

• We’re the same age.
  
• His middle name is Paige, my daughter’s middle name is Paige.
  
• He’s handsome, my husband is handsome. I like handsome.

The connection is so clear.

I've read that his mom had him cleaning and planning/cooking family meals since he was little. I can use that. You see, when I say ‘boy toy’ you may have the wrong idea. If I’m going to have an affair, I’m going to have to make it worth my while. My idea of a boy toy is Matty in an apron, holding a mop, and making sure my entire house sparkles all the while showing me that winning smile.

My girlfriends will oooooh and aaaaaah over my ability to juggle it all. “How on earth can you juggle the kids’ activities, a clean house, cooking, and still have time to read?” they’ll ask. I’ll answer, “My dears, it’s all in the management style.”